Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!
2007...wow who would have thought we would last this long. I remember when the year 2000 was to be "the future" where people would zip around in jet cars and hover boards. I don't think we are that far off but it still seems like a far cry from today's technology.



I have no job, so I have some time between looking for jobs to completely reorganizing my place. It's strange when I start cleaning my place and I get into all the little nooks and crannies that I haven't seen for months. A strange sense of nostalgia rolls in mixed with the urge to throw out everything I haven't used or touched for the last fortnight. I get into the cleaning mode and don't feel rested until I have gone through every last thing I own, maybe just to make sure it's still there. I like my stuff but I just have so damn much of it, my parents were pack rats so it's just natural that I do the same I guess. I do this every year or so when I feel the walls of stuff start to shake and shudder around me, I take it down and rebuild it with fewer things. I also feel that by doing this at the beginning of the new year I am helping to move on from the last into a new part of my life.

I am glad that I came home for Christmas, it was fantastic this year and I had a great time New Year's Eve. I wasn't absent from any of the festivities this year however I can't help thinking about what's absent in my life right now. It feels like this large gap has opened up in my life and the only one way to fill it is six months away. I don't think that I have ever been in love before. I have been in love with the idea of something before. I have imagined that I love someone before. However I don't think that I have ever fully realized love for someone before now.

About a year or so ago I had a very bad experience with a girl I was involved with and it made females almost repellent to me. I didn't want to show my feelings anymore so I wasn't myself around anyone of the opposite sex, I was intentionally cold and closed to anyone interested. I didn't want to be appealing to anyone, so I grew a beard or kept rough stubble because I thought that was some what "unkempt", funnily enough girls thought it was cute. I wanted to avoid closeness and intimacy while at the same time missed just touching someone else.

Then I met her and everything changed.

I know it sounds like a regurgitated story that has been told a thousand times but it's true! From the first moment I saw her I knew that I wanted to be with her. The time spent with her was uplifting and made me forget about my past and inspired me to move on. Going to Thailand I didn't know exactly what to expect from her, I didn't know if she felt the same way I did. I knew that we had a mutual strong connection and urge to see each other. However in previous experiences that didn't count for a lot in the end, I didn't want to assume too much. I knew that it would be a fantastic time and it was, it met and exceeded my expectations.

Now it's the new year, I'm in Canada while she still remains in Thailand. It almost seems like I'm being tested, "you finally found love but you can't have it right now, how are you going to deal with that?"
"I'm going to wait you out!"

And I will, when I want something I do everything in my powers to get it. If I have to wait, I can wait. She is more than worth it. She has awoken something within me that will never sleep again, it helps to keep me focused on what is truly important.

Until next time same Bat Ray, same Ray channel.